My Life My Own

Trudging through time.  Trying to figure out the exact moment that led to a very specific reaction twenty years later.  Does it matter.  There is so much time wasted trying to find the origins.  Though a sense of understanding is a wonderful thing, it is what is going on now that is the issue.  How can tracing events long past, stop the pain that was caused just this morning?  It does help you, but does it help them.  Does it matter to the ones that have been stomped on and pushed away?  Will it make a difference, or help keep someone close to you, when you realize that your past effects your future?  It is the same for all of us.  Of course, some cases are much more tragic than others, but that doesn't mean that the reactions aren't the same. 

As adults, I'm all for figuring yourself out.  What I don't get is how so many people blame their past for all their problems.  There are too many people out there with severe tragedies somewhere behind them, and even without therapy, they've grown into caring, thoughtful, responsible adults.  So, if that can happen all on its own, how can so many still blame the past for their future even though it has yet to occur.

For myself, I have a need to know why I am the way I am.  However, if I make regrettable decisions, they are mine.  The good ones are mine as well, yet it is rare to take credit for that.  No one is forced to hurt the feelings of others.  Though the road is often difficult, the past doesn't have to follow you wherever you may go.  It will never be forgotten, nor should it be.  The past is part of who you are.  It is something to be accepted and then dismissed.  Take the lessons learned and try to move forward.  The more people you encounter, the more people who you touch, the further removed from the past you become.

It can be the most difficult task to let something go.  More often it is the bad things that tend to linger in the heart and mind.  So long as we can find a way to push them to the corners and lose them in the shadows, we can move on.  There will always come a time when these memories seek the sun, but few and far between is so much better than being in the forefront daily.

Acceptance and responsibility lead the road to a better you.  It's a rough road, but at the end lies freedom and respect.  I'd say it's worth the journey.