Thursday, March 27, 2014

The Creature From the Depths of Hell

The following is a synopsis of my day in anxiety or AAAAHHHHHHH

Lol, so as I'm sitting at this blank screen yesterday morning trying to write that infernal bio, I hear ominous noises coming from my fireplace. I thought, bird. But a bird cannot get into the fireplace from the outside, so, no. I happen to mention the sound to everyone I came in contact with on the computer and phone yesterday, because it FREAKED ME OUT. It got louder and eventually moved away from the chimney into the side cabinets, scurrying the twelve foot span behind the fireplace in seconds. I barricaded each cabinet door with logs and winced at the scratching sounds of a desperate animal. I would have been happy to investigate, had people not mentioned rat or bat. I can live with bird or squirrel. Anyway, can you say xanax? Couldn't concentrate, refused to succumb to the magic pills and tried, without any degree of success, to maintain composure. I mean, how can I keep the kids calm if I'm not calm. so, I thought I was doing pretty good, attributing my stress to trying write. Haha! I had them fooled! Until...the youngest said, "I want to see the squirrel", and the boys went straight to the cabinet. Before they could reach for the log of safety, I screached at the to get away from that cabinet. cover blown. They were hysterical, so glad they found me amusing (hmmf).

Fast forward to about 4:30 ish. I believe I told you I have arthritis, nothing major, just a pain in the everything. Yesterday it was 40 degrees after being 80 for two days. My hands were in full rebellion. Keep in mind, I was absolutely stressed from this creature from the depths of hell in my walls, behind my fireplace, and trying to beat itself out of my barricaded cabinets. I swear, say rat to me and I about pee my pants. They are almost as bad as frogs. (remind me to tell you that lovely story) But I digress. I'm sitting at the computer, the boys are playing in front of the fireplace tracking the hell sounds with joyous laughter. And I reach for the phone, a simple enough act. I grasp it, but my hands didn't work. I couldn't even feel it. It slipped out of my hand, knocked over my glass of soda onto my keyboard, myself and the floor. Upon reaching its final destination, the phone shattered in a very loud and unexpected ruckus, to which the boys screamed and startled the creature who tried frantically to escape through every surface he could find.

That was it. I was an emotional mess. The kids were nuts with the creature flitting about my walls, I was trying desperately to save my keyboard, while my oldest attempted to clean the pieces of phone and reassemble it. I was so overwhelmed by the unexpected loss of hand function that I couldn't care less that the demon in my fireplace was banging hard enough to jiggle the log of safety, and I walked away from it all.

After I was calm, after everyone was home, and was ready for bed. Come to find out the creature was in fact a bird. The cutest little bluebird with pink breast. The kind that is almost electric blue in the sun. A rare find here, and my favorite to happen upon. I was heartbroken. He was so exhausted. He was not broken, thank goodness. And when we put him outside he flew. I will assume to safety. Poor little thing. Had I trusted my instincts in morning, we both would have had a much less stressful day. That's what I get for listening to people whose sole purpose in life is to laugh as I freak out. Thanks guys, appreciate the love. ugh.

I am now nice and calm, so that's a good thing.