Sunday, September 27, 2009

The Net is Calling

There's just something about the internet.  It's like a drug.  It lures you in and grabs hold.  It calls you in the middle of the night, for no other reason than to sit in its ethereal glow and ponder nothing.  There is a certain beauty in the way that it can call you from your slumber just to see if someone in fact reached out to you through cyberspace.  Email, twitter, blogs it's all the same.  Some know you in substance and some just in theory.  People form ideas about who you are based on what you put out there.  Yet, there are those who are honest and the words they choose to represent themselves are a true reflection unbeknownst to them, and there are those who choose their words so carefully as to surgically remove any resemblance to their real selves.

Personally, I find it tiresome to try to pretend to be something or someone just have strangers think that you are better than you are.  Nope, here my mood is always naked and my heart is on my sleeve.  My mind is running rampant about nothing and everything at the same time.  I'm not crazy or on meds, I'm just me.  Boring?  To some I'm sure, and to others not so much. 

Having said that, I am also a coward to a certain degree.  I am free, here and in the few other forums that I have made a slight presence, only because I am anonymous.  I could be anyone. I could be you.  There have been those few that have made enough of an impression that I have chosen to share my real life with them.  After all, connections can be made without the luxury of proximity.  But if I had to share all of myself with the world through the internet, I don't think I would share at all.

I wonder if I am afraid of being judged by those who dwell beside me in my humble real-life world.  Who knows?  All those who matter to me know I'm on here.  I think it is the freedom that I enjoy.  The release of all that could turn evil if left to fester in my mind.  Okay, maybe that was a bit much.  But it is easier to get through the day when I'm not holding onto a lot of nothing that is taking up space that I'd rather fill with belly laughs and bear hugs.


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