Sunday, September 27, 2009


The time is now, I suppose.  When better?  Change is a good thing.  It can even be tangible freedom.  The question is, how can one make changes for the better that are embedded in the fiber of ones being rather than something that one has to continually ponder in order to effect.  Forced change is temporary. 

The need to be better drives, though admittedly more slowly than I would like.  There is always room for improvement.  Can't help but wonder why it is so much easier to see our own faults than to notice fault in another.  It is almost automatic to place blame squarely on my own shoulders, yet, I freely give credit to everyone else.  Logically speaking, it is impossible to be responsible for everyone's everything.  So, therefore, I am obviously not responsible for every bad decision that those around me make, only for my own.  Which again, I readily take the blame for.

So, back to the question of how to make changes.  It's easy to change the idea of something, but to make it habit is more difficult a task.  I need to exercise more patience when dealing with, well...everything.  Yet, when the sea of life is moving calmly, then it is easy to find patience.  When rough seas prevail, then I tend to lose my mind.  Not really, but I definitely am not who I would prefer to be in those situations.  There is only so much of me to go around.  It is difficult to want to be who everyone needs at the moment they need it and be entrenched in the things that need to be done to keep everything else running smoothly.

Is this a problem that plagues all Moms, or just the over-analytical types like myself?  Anyway, if I start to think about everything I wish I could be to my kids, my husband, myself, I just might have a breakdown.  We can only be who we are.  Yet, I believe that change can happen.  Now, if only I could find a nice and easy way to make little changes to push me down the road to the bigger ones.

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