Saturday, August 28, 2010

Insomnia Sucks

Sitting here before dawn by the ethereal glow of cyberspace, I can't help but wonder WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME.  Seriously, I don't sleep.  If there are three solid hours to be had, that is considered success.  The human body was not meant to function  efficiently on such low recuperation time.  Oh, and a severe lack of sleep apparently turns one into a cranky, paranoid beast.

Still, I'm drawn to the almost blinding glow of these stark white pages.  My vision blurring in exhaustion, my back aching from this crappy chair, and my mind racing from the influx of crazy facebook dwellers...I am still here.  It used to be that I could stumble a bit (love that site btw) and it would numb my mind enough to let the call of slumber be heard.  Now, however, my head is spinning so fast that I can't even be bothered pushing that  little green and blue circle that stares at me from the tom of my computer.  The more I learn about the lives of those that my path in life has left behind, the more I worry about the people I once loved.  The more I worry about those people, whom I haven't spoken with in 15-20 years, the more I am sick to my stomach because I can't figure out why they matter at all.  I don't know them anymore.  Do I want to?  Perhaps it's true that once you love someone, you love them for life.  At least in my case, I can't think of one person that was ever important to me that I would turn away to this day.  I still care.  I will always care.  It is highly inconvenient, especially when they take stupid chances on stupid things and I'm not yet in a position to tell them off about things.

So I sit hit here by the glow of the screen and my mind races through reasons why I let this effect my life.  Why can't I just separate things? Seriously, why do I care? Why do I care that I care?  I have lost my mind.  I left it on my pillow where it hopes to gain the strength to return to my racing mind. I shall let it rest and do without for the time being.  I don't think anyone has noticed yet.  How sad is that?

1 comment:

Alan said...

The trouble with insomnia is the more you worry about it the more your mind brings up inconsequential things that morph into full blown mental movies. I've been up since before 5AM. At least the dog got walked early.