Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A Bit of Redemption, Part 2

Where was I?  Oh yes dreading the moment in hopeful anticipation of who the heck knows what.  Okay, enough of this.  Short version:  Early in the chat there was an exchange that went something like this (unfortunately, facebook doesn't archive chats and erases them periodically):
Me:  It's like you would go out of your way to push my buttons and then laugh when I would get annoyed
Him: Really? I can't imagine why I would've done that, except that guys tend to pick on the ones they like
Me: Really?
Him: Oh, like you didn't know.
Me: I had no idea, honest.  Wish I had.
Him: Why?
Me: I had it bad, I must say.
Him: I never knew.  That could've been great.

At this point, I think I lost my mind.  I was transported into that innocent school girl, running memory slides in fast-forward.  These memories came complete with emotion and nerves and ridiculousness.  It's embarrassing really.  Anyway. 
That whole time he liked me, which was unexpected.  The hoping and wishing and thinking, "well, maybe", all that time wasted and for what?  So, two and half hours of chatting later, and I'm all giddy.  It's the next morning and I'm all giddy.  I feel like an idiot and I'm all giddy.  It's funny how a little hindsight changes your view on so many things.

So, I still am not a fan of facebook and the stalking spies that it creates.  However, My self esteem has been elevated.  That always seems to happen when a cute boy likes you, even if it is twenty years later.  It's a wonderful feeling to feel wanted and remembered.  It's always great to be remembered.  So now, my neurosis has plunged me into the question of why does it matter.  High School was not such a fun place, neither was adolescence.  Yet it forges profound connections in the brain.  Visceral responses to thoughts of what never was.  It's confounding.  It's freaking me out is what it is.  Hubby, thinks it's funny.  He also thinks I'm a dorky kind of gal.  He knows me well, that one.

So, maybe facebook isn't so bad after all.  Until it annoys me again. 

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