Monday, January 25, 2010

It's Been Awhile

It has been three weeks since the arrival of my Mother.  Now, she is gone.  She'd still be here if my nephew didn't have a mini-breakdown and demand her return.  If only my kids had such power.  Anyway,  all is well, but nothing has changed.  The best part of her stay was being able to run errands sans children.  How I had forgotten how nice silence can be.  I didn't really get to sleep much, though she did try to make me take naps.  It's just that she would keep me up, sometimes until sunrise, talking and catching up.  Then, I was up again in the morning getting the kids off to school.  Besides, she would be the one taking naps.  That's okay, she needed the break too.  She might have needed it more than I did.  Over all, I'm glad that she was here.  Apparently, the rest of the family goes loopy in her absence and they would call her ten times a day (literally, sometimes more) just to vent and ask for help.  I felt badly for her.  She would let her cell phone die just to stop the calls for a second.  They would only call my house phone once or twice before giving up.  Apparently she suffers from lack of peace as much as I do. 

The boys adored having her here.  Most likely because I was calmer when she was here.  That's what happens when I get five minutes to use the restroom in peace, or to cook without interruption or even to just think.  It is fabulous to get a minute here and there.  Until those little moments of freedom are gone, you never know how important they are.  They help to release the stress that builds up during the day.  Who knew?  The baby is going through Grandma withdrawals.  Against my many protests, she would hold him as much as possible.  Now, he thinks that I will, and I am not that Mom.  If I had the time, I definitely would be, but I have three other children and a home to keep and I just can't do it.  I'm sure he'll be fine, but he sure does love the attention. 

So my Mom made me see the doctor for my weird pains and whatnot.  Now, seven appointments and four doctors later (not to mention all the tests) I'm the picture of health.  Unfortunately, the most important appointment is tomorrow and I've been scrambling to find someone to watch the kids.  This doctor will no doubt send me for a number of additional tests and still I am alone.  Is it ridiculous that I am annoyed that my mother came up here and made go to the doctor and just when we might be making some headway, my nephew calls and she jumps and leaves me in the lurch with no warning at all.  It's ridiculous to me that this kid yields such power over her.  My kids have begged her to visit in the past and nothing.  This one cries once and the next day she's gone.  Even if this new doctor wants to send me for tests, I can't get them done without someone to watch the kids.  There are only two people where I live that I trust with my kids.  One is in the middle of moving and is unavailable, the other just started a new job a couple of months ago and is no longer free during the day.  So, I'm back to having to rely on myself.  My husband is out of town a lot and when in town, he can only go in late or come home early so many times before it is a problem. 

I'm sure it will work out.  It's just bothersome that her whole purpose for coming here was so I can make and attend all these appointments, and just when I make a little headway she leaves with no intention of coming back.  She pushed her way into this and now I'm stuck where I never wanted to be, in the middle of something.  I can live with not starting things, but I hate leaving things unfinished.  We've spent about $250 in copays, not including the deductibles and I might have to put everything on hold.  It may no seem like a lot, but really it is.  Especially since I'm not done being probed and prodded.  Okay, now that that is out, I'm over it.  I can only do what I can do, so why worry?

So, my Mother arrived during the coldest week in the seven years that I've lived here.  Our heater went out and we had to borrow some space heaters and we ran the fireplace continuously for five days.  We had not run the fireplace more than a couple of times a year since we moved in.  Now we have a stockpile of logs and it has been up to 80 degrees in this last week.  I'm sure we will use them again, if it gets cold.

It's weird, it isn't like my housework got done when my mother was here.  I didn't go crazy doing things around the house.  There were only minimal changes to my routine.  However, now that she is gone, the stress is building back up quickly.  I don't want it to.  When I feel my head start to protest, I'll take the kids out and let them run while I try to relax the best I can, but I still feel it creeping back.  It would be nice if I had family closer.  Five hours away is too much.  Unfortunately, the longer my mother stayed here, the weirder my husband got.  He was thankful for the help, because I needed it (apparently), but as the days went on and nothing seemed to get done, he got more withdrawn.  We almost stopped having normal conversations.  He became very passive aggressive.  He refused to talk about what was going on with him.  Since she left, he is much better.  I just wish he would let me know what on Earth goes on in his head.  If I had a clue, maybe he would be able to get through things more quickly without hurting my feelings so much along the way.  Sometimes it's like he is my oldest kid.  He is the type of guy that has real difficulty coming out and actually saying, "I'm sorry".  So, instead,  he voluntarily admitted he was an A-hole (I didn't say it, he did. and he was right), then he tore apart my kitchen and cleaned out all the cabinets and ran everything through the dishwasher.  Of course, I have to put half the stuff back, but at least it is clean.  He even did some laundry.  He must be feeling really badly.  It's nice to know that he's making it up to me.  He wouldn't have to do anything if he would just apologize.  But this works.  Lord knows it would be forever until I got around to cleaning out all of my cabinets and cleaning closet. 

I am much more direct when it comes to my feelings (parents and siblings excluded.  it's a totally different dynamic).  If I am annoyed I'll tell you.  If I don't want to talk I'll tell you I need time, but when I'm ready I expect you to listen.  If something bothers me I'll tell you and give you a chance to mend your ways before I get completely pissed.  Once I'm completely pissed, it is then your fault since you were duly warned and I won't apologize for being a bitch.  I will, however, apologize if I go way across the line. Which, unfortunately, happens on occasion. I have never gone out of my way to try to hurt someone, especially one I love.  However, words hurt and once they are out the damage is done.  So I really try not to cross that line.  Others don't seem to understand that there are things that you just can't take back. 

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