Kick the Can

Sitting here by the light of the screen, I find myself wondering about where I am, where I am going, and how on Earth did I even get here.  With so much to be thankful for, it feels selfish to want, well, anything. Still, I wish I would get off my booty and finish one of the many writing projects I have on the table. I swear, I spend more time wondering why I can't seem to get motivated than anything else. No the best use of time, but I am an excellent procrastinator. 

I am now armed with a very motivated business and spiritual partner. Perhaps his motivation will rub off on me. Perhaps he'll kick me in the tuchis. Ah, I can only hope.  There is so much on the horizon, I am thrilled to be at the foothills of potential greatness.  

We are all susceptible to demotivating bouts of self-doubt.  But none of us will ever get anywhere if we don't take that first step, however small.  So perhaps I shall pick up the book I didn't finish writing...yet. Then again, that great idea for the next book is shaping up nicely. Still, the first time the writing bug bite me, it drew blood. My passion for my initial writing project runs deep. Perhaps I'll baby that one, slowly molding it into what it was always meant to be. I just need a boost every now and again. Don't we all. 

So I shall call my ever-so-positive partner and maybe he'll give me a good swift kick. After all, I have to get off of it in order to be kicked in it. 

Never give up on what's in your heart my friends. It's there for a reason. 

 

Hello From the Outside

     Well, it sure has been awhile. There is always something to rip me away from the internet.  There is also so many wonderfully mind-numbing places to troll online that it makes work nearly impossible. I mean really. Insomnia at 3 a.m. is much better served by online word games or trolling dust pics from ancient friends on facebook. Of course the latter comes with risk of accidentally "liking" a six year old post or pic in the wee hours of the morning.  Because nothing says loser like trolling a semi-strangers old pics and getting all nostalgic in your sleep-deprived stuper. 
     I have been busy on all fronts.  I have also found a renewed love of writing. I have hundreds of poems up under the the name PrttyBrd.  I pop up all over the place.  Peruse and leave comments good or bad, they are always welcome. In a weird and wonderful turn of events. I got published in a book entitled Stories of Music.  Yes, I am now a paid writer. So I am doing a jig. There are so many projects in the works. I am working on two books of my own. One book is a poetry book that I believe will appeal to even the most ardent hater of poetry. Yep, it is a book of 10w poems. The other book is a novel.  That's the one that makes me nervous, because i see it perfectly in all its thrilling splendor. Then, I take pen to paper and it isn't quite as colorful.  Lol, I never expected it to be easy. However, I never expected to feel like I am incapable of forming a coherent sentence either. 
     I have a business partner and we are on our way in an awesome endeavor of artistic beauty. I will be posting links to his books, our pages, and soon my book (s) as well. 
     So, wish me luck. I plan on keeping you all posted.  Hopefully, there are some of you left :) 

The Creature From the Depths of Hell

The following is a synopsis of my day in anxiety or AAAAHHHHHHH

Lol, so as I'm sitting at this blank screen yesterday morning trying to write that infernal bio, I hear ominous noises coming from my fireplace. I thought, bird. But a bird cannot get into the fireplace from the outside, so, no. I happen to mention the sound to everyone I came in contact with on the computer and phone yesterday, because it FREAKED ME OUT. It got louder and eventually moved away from the chimney into the side cabinets, scurrying the twelve foot span behind the fireplace in seconds. I barricaded each cabinet door with logs and winced at the scratching sounds of a desperate animal. I would have been happy to investigate, had people not mentioned rat or bat. I can live with bird or squirrel. Anyway, can you say xanax? Couldn't concentrate, refused to succumb to the magic pills and tried, without any degree of success, to maintain composure. I mean, how can I keep the kids calm if I'm not calm. so, I thought I was doing pretty good, attributing my stress to trying write. Haha! I had them fooled! Until...the youngest said, "I want to see the squirrel", and the boys went straight to the cabinet. Before they could reach for the log of safety, I screached at the to get away from that cabinet. cover blown. They were hysterical, so glad they found me amusing (hmmf).

Fast forward to about 4:30 ish. I believe I told you I have arthritis, nothing major, just a pain in the everything. Yesterday it was 40 degrees after being 80 for two days. My hands were in full rebellion. Keep in mind, I was absolutely stressed from this creature from the depths of hell in my walls, behind my fireplace, and trying to beat itself out of my barricaded cabinets. I swear, say rat to me and I about pee my pants. They are almost as bad as frogs. (remind me to tell you that lovely story) But I digress. I'm sitting at the computer, the boys are playing in front of the fireplace tracking the hell sounds with joyous laughter. And I reach for the phone, a simple enough act. I grasp it, but my hands didn't work. I couldn't even feel it. It slipped out of my hand, knocked over my glass of soda onto my keyboard, myself and the floor. Upon reaching its final destination, the phone shattered in a very loud and unexpected ruckus, to which the boys screamed and startled the creature who tried frantically to escape through every surface he could find.

That was it. I was an emotional mess. The kids were nuts with the creature flitting about my walls, I was trying desperately to save my keyboard, while my oldest attempted to clean the pieces of phone and reassemble it. I was so overwhelmed by the unexpected loss of hand function that I couldn't care less that the demon in my fireplace was banging hard enough to jiggle the log of safety, and I walked away from it all.

After I was calm, after everyone was home, and was ready for bed. Come to find out the creature was in fact a bird. The cutest little bluebird with pink breast. The kind that is almost electric blue in the sun. A rare find here, and my favorite to happen upon. I was heartbroken. He was so exhausted. He was not broken, thank goodness. And when we put him outside he flew. I will assume to safety. Poor little thing. Had I trusted my instincts in morning, we both would have had a much less stressful day. That's what I get for listening to people whose sole purpose in life is to laugh as I freak out. Thanks guys, appreciate the love. ugh.

I am now nice and calm, so that's a good thing.

Mother's Day 2013

Having four kiddies ages 15,9,7, and 3.5 makes life interesting, to say the least.

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My 7yr old made these lovely cards for Mother's Day. While I love the artwork, I couldn't help but notice these are very unhappy hearts indeed.  The tears on the foil embossed card I found especially moving.  So I asked him, "Honey, why are the hearts so very sad?"  He responded quite matter-of-factly with, "because they got shot with an arrow", and after a second to ponder whether or not I could understand why that would make the hearts cry, he continued, "and that's gotta hurt".  Very true my dear, it would definitely hurt to be shot with an arrow.  Then he looked at me with his head tilted in thought, "but how else are you supposed to catch it so you can give it to someone else?"  

I just love how his mind works.  In a greater existential sense of things, yes you risk pain to love someone and have them love you in return.  How else are you supposed to give your heart to someone else?

I Have Returned

Okay, now that my bun is now 3.5 and my house is as settled as it is ever going to get I will attempt to be back on here on a regular basis.  Not sure if you've missed me, but boy have I missed you...story of my life.

 

I'm Grown and Still as Dorky as Ever

There comes a time when, as an adult, you realize that you will never grow up.  After all, when you reach my nameless age, if you're still as dorky as ever this must just be who you are.  I take immense pleasure in embarrassing my kids in public.  I love to sing, though I have no talent.  Unfortunately for them, I don't have much shame either.  I'm all about hugs and kisses and will threaten public displays of affection to bend my oldest to my will.  Hahaha, I am not heartless.  However, as a teenager, it is way to expensive to bribe them into good behavior.  I have found that just the threat of public humiliation works better and best of all, It's FREE.  Of course, my kids must test me incessantly.  I assure you, they have learned their lesson as I sang crappy impromptu opera at the mall one Saturday afternoon. It took maybe ten seconds to embarrass them into submission. *insert evil laugh here*

Oh the moments of joy

Okay, so my first grader comes home all happy as usual.  I go through his folder and find a very neatly written list of rules.  As I read them, he proceeds to tell me how everyone in his class had to come up with rules for behavior.  Apparently, the class had been unruly for awhile.  So, they all had to write down the rules that the students came up with.  There were the usual; "raise your hand", "wait your turn",  "no kicking", "no name calling", etc.  Then I come to one that made me take pause.  I asked my son, though I really didn't have to, "which one did you come up with".  Apparently, just as I thought, his was number fourteen.  His rule, which is now on everyone's rule list being read by everyone's parents, states...wait for it..."Do not say ASS to the teacher".  Hmmmmm.  I'm so proud, hahahaha.  Now, he is "that" kid and we are "those" parents.  Ahhh the joy.